Martini Musings

  What is a blog? A blog is a regularly updated, online journal, typically run by an individual or a small group, written in an informational or conversational style. It can offer advice, opinions, suggestions, and facts, but often it is just the feelings of one individual. Most blogs are interactive, allowing for comments and discussions from the readers. Nearly two years ago, I started this blog and I have enjoyed sharing my journey with you. The blog started as a way for me to journal my feelings as I navigated the heartbreak of my divorce. I always think I have a lot to say, and I didn’t know if anyone would want to listen but I know that many of you have been kind supporters over many months. When I started, I had some funny stories to share and some difficult feelings to express. I tried to be honest and upbeat, without hurting anyone along the way. I chose not to get into too many details about others, like Greg or other family members. When I did want to mention someone...

  I Had a Meltdown PART ONE: It’s Saturday and I’m typing my Wednesday blogpost because this morning, I just had a meltdown. Toss it off to being up at 4:30am or toss if off to the chill in the house, but for whatever reason, I woke up with no patience and feeling defensive and as a result, a meltdown ensued. Of course, no one knew about it because I don’t let that happen publicly, but it happened. Honestly, it doesn’t happen very often and there’s nothing that really triggers it, but today, it didn’t feel good. I’m not proud of it at all, but it is a reminder that I am human and it’s okay to give yourself a break. I had all of the ingredients for a meltdown…tears, throwing my middle finger on both hands up in the air, silently screaming, and the feeling of wanting to just run out the side door of the house. Just typing this makes me cringe because I am better, but I don’t want to ignore it either. Can I be honest? I’m tired. Physically and emotionally just plain tired...

  I’m Not Gonna Lie…   Happy Wednesday Friends! I had my “tele-counseling” appointment today, my monthly appointment, and I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy to get everything on my list in during the fifty-minute appointment. As you know, I am a huge advocate for counseling but during these crazy days, once a month really isn’t enough. After a long list of things, this is what I came away with. She provided me with an exercise that although it will take a lot of work, it is something I have to try. I am struggling with some things, many things actually, but I’m really too busy with more important things, like taking care of my Momma, to give some of these things much time. However, there are a couple of relationships that need my attention and I have been struggling with what to do. This exercise involves making a list of the things/ways that these people have let me down, or disappointed me or by my own standards, have not lived up to my expectations. She admitted th...

Living the dream…   Okay, so I don’t know how many of you are aware of this (although I think many are!), I am currently living at home, under the roof of my parents, and in the same bedroom that I grew up in! This house has always been home to me, although there have been many changes over the years! When I made the decision to move back to Louisville, I figured I would give my notice at work, and start looking for a job that could be available shortly after I got into town. I would have time to move, get settled into my own place and begin the next chapter. It seems the pandemic had different ideas! My plans to give notice were delayed and somewhat stressful as I didn’t want to do it over a Zoom call, but “in-person” wasn’t going to happen. So I gave my notice over the phone, then I had to get serious about finding a job.   Looking at apartments was also not happening as most places were not open for tours. Damn pandemic messed up so many plans! Rather than stres...