Living the dream…

 

Okay, so I don’t know how many of you are aware of this (although I think many are!), I am currently living at home, under the roof of my parents, and in the same bedroom that I grew up in! This house has always been home to me, although there have been many changes over the years!

When I made the decision to move back to Louisville, I figured I would give my notice at work, and start looking for a job that could be available shortly after I got into town. I would have time to move, get settled into my own place and begin the next chapter.

It seems the pandemic had different ideas! My plans to give notice were delayed and somewhat stressful as I didn’t want to do it over a Zoom call, but “in-person” wasn’t going to happen. So I gave my notice over the phone, then I had to get serious about finding a job. 

Looking at apartments was also not happening as most places were not open for tours. Damn pandemic messed up so many plans!

Rather than stress out about no job and no apartment, my parents said it was a no-brainer that I move in with them for a while. Of course, things for my Mom were not great and then she took another couple of tumbles and it became apparent to me that they could use the help and it seemed logical that I would fit the bill. All of this was planned as temporary.

Moving back into my childhood home/bedroom has had so many ups and downs and most of the time, I’m not sure what I’m feeling.

I am certain that I’m not the only one around who has found themselves living with parents at some point, way after we have grown up! But sometimes, it feels that I am the only one at 62 years of age going to sleep at night in the same room I slept in I was five years old and getting ready for kindergarten, not retirement. 

My days are full most of the time.…I thought they’d be full of happy hours and day trips…those have to wait awhile. It’s the nights that seem to bring out the “feels” and I might be a little embarrassed to admit it.

Mom and Dad are good people, and I am so blessed to be in their presence. My parents have a routine…we eat dinner with my brother and his husband around 6-6:30pm (this is usually five nights a week!).Then, my Mom and Dad go to their respective “perches” and we (Joey, Steve and I) clean the kitchen. Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy are up next. Our dinner guests head back to their house…just across the street! Usually by 8:30pm, Mom and Dad have fallen asleep as we are watching reruns of Blue Bloods, Law & Order or Everybody Loves Raymond…and may I just say, EVERYBODY does not love Raymond! Wednesdays are my lucky days because it’s Chicago night…Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, and Chicago PD so Dad stays awake that night! They also managed to stay awake for the debate a couple of weeks ago…hoping for the same tonight.

Until recently, I would not dare get up and go to my room to watch BRAVO or Lifetime or even a trashy movie. I’d sit and wait for them to wake up and wonder how long they had been sleeping.  Then I’d get Mom ready for bed and get her settled back into her “perch” to go back to sleep until it is bedtime. I have asked many times, “Mom, why don’t you go to bed?” and she answers, like many do, “Oh honey, I could never sleep!”  Hmmmmm…She and I usually “meet up” around 2am (my Dad walks her into the family room) for an hour or so, because she can’t sleep. Somehow, watching Netflix, puts her right to sleep and so I escort her back to bed, grabbing a couple more hours of shut-eye before getting up for the day.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I needed to remove myself from the room. It was a little lonely sitting there, just watching them breathe.

Now, if I’m not interested in their shows, I excuse myself (once Mom has had her nighttime routine completed). My room has my TV which I never would have been allowed to have in my youth!  It’s like I’m getting away with something! It has allowed some down time for me, which is healthy for ALL of us. 

During the day, we have a routine as well. I won’t bore you with it, but I try to remember that I have “invaded” their space. I let them do the things they are used to doing although sometimes, I find myself speaking up when in fact I probably should have kept my mouth shut. Sadly, I know these times will not last forever.

There’s something about living with your parents that takes you back to those teenage years that weren’t always the most pleasant. On those few occasions that I need to go out or choose to go out, I feel like I have to report where I am going and what time I expect to be home. They don’t usually ask, but I always volunteer the information. My Dad waits up for me…still, so I have not stayed out much past 10pm…afterall, where am I going anyway?

I have realized that moving out is not in the foreseeable future for me. They need the help and I’m available. That being said, it isn’t easy to admit. This is not what I had in mind when I made the decision to move to Louisville. But it is my life, at least for the time being.

In order to make it more comfortable, I have moved my dresser from storage to my room. It’s a lot bigger than what I was using but it’s mine and that small gesture has made a big difference. Now, I’m thinking I can make room for my night stands. I’ve also decided to let go of some things.

Remember how I was attached to things, and wondering why I couldn’t let go? I still don’t know why, but I do know that I can let go of some things. I’m going to sell my sleigh bed and if anyone will take them, my king size mattress and box springs too. I will be selling my favorite arm chair because it has colors that I plan to bid farewell to, whenever I do move on and into a new place.

Just typing these words is giving me a pep in my step…letting go is not easy, but when you do, there is some relief…at least letting go of things works that way! Thanks for the kind words and the support as I have returned home. This weekend, I'll get a Gabriel fix as I take a trip to Pittsburgh. I'll have a couple nights of solid sleep and lots of hugs from my baby boy (and Katie too!). I really am grateful to be “Living the Dream!”