Emotions…all over the place!

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary.  I can’t help but remember that date.  We would have been married 36 years.  I’m actually doing fine, but with all of this moving preparation, I am coming across things that are triggers and reminders of those years.  I have gotten rid of a lot of things but opening a box and finding monogrammed dishware didn’t just sting, it felt like a dagger in my heart.  I held it together as Katie was with me, but I’m not going to lie…it hurt. 

I’ve always loved marital monogrammed glassware and we had a lot of it.  It pains me to throw it away, so I have held on to it.  Yesterday, I dropped it off at Goodwill (I still couldn’t throw it away)…hopefully someone with initials that match LHG or GHL will stroll into the store and choose one of three lovely pitchers or a salad bowl.  Sigh…

Today, I’m just 12 days away from my move.  I am surrounded by boxes, thanks in part to a weekend of packing while Katie, Anthony and Gabriel were here.  Let’s say Katie and Anthony did a lot of work, while I enjoyed time with Gabriel…I missed my family and it was good to spend the weekend with them. 

It’s getting real friends.  My days are full of emotional ups and downs.  One minute I’m feeling accomplished and ready and the next minute, I’m crying because it’s almost over.  My 30+ years in Cincinnati will soon be over and with that comes sadness, fear, nervousness, flashbacks of all of the memories I have in my heart, and the overwhelming feeling of not being able to have closure from someplace that has been home for more than half of my life.

Some of these emotions stem from the unknown of what will be happening once I move to Louisville.  I don’t have a job, but I’m not worried about that…I mean we’re still in the midst of a pandemic.  I know that will come in due time.  I wonder how living at home with my parents will go…I know I’ll be taking care of some of the day to day things for my Mom, trying to keep my Dad busy with projects of mine and he and I will be doing some cooking.  I will also need to keep balance in my life, seeing my friends and doing the things I have missed for so long.  A good friend of mine has reminded me to take one day at a time…so that’s what I will do.  First, I will move.  I’ll settle in and then, I’ll see what comes next.

Today, I turned in my keys, my lanyard and all items that have been part of my time at Mt. Notre Dame. I will drop off my computer tomorrow, then it will be over.  My time at MND will come to a close!   It will be sad but it will free me from any distractions in these last days of preparing to move.  I’ll be glad to be finished.  I’m leaving things in the best condition that I can.  I am proud of what I have done over the last five Galas and I wish nothing but the best for the person who will take my place.  Oh I worry about anything I may forget…maybe even being blamed for something that may not have gotten done.  But I can’t control what others say and do (learned that from counseling!) so I will leave and know that I did my best.  I will miss my co-workers who became friends and I have promised them that I will keep in touch.

So, after a slightly sad day yesterday with memories of my marriage that is no more, today is also sad, but in a different way.  Both of these days have affected me, but there's no reason to dwell on either of them.  Tomorrow is a new day!

I’m on my way “home!” Get ready Louisville…See you soon!!!  xoxoxox