Choosing Eros…    

 

Today, I’m going to share some thoughts about a book I’ve read in the past couple of weeks. I have been trying to read more…not just People Magazine or the AARP newsletter but real books. I have tried to incorporate reading 30 minutes a day, at least. Sometimes, I totally exceed that but sometimes, my eyes get too heavy for reading. However, it’s much better than it used to be and happily, I’m enjoying my reading time.

The book I want to share with you today is Choosing Eros, by Julie Hagerty. Julie was a teacher at MND and I worked with her for the few years I was there. I believe my Katie had her for a class or two but I didn’t know Julie as well, until I was working there.

Julie was kind and with an Irish brogue, she could charm everyone in her path. While I was at Mt. Notre Dame, Julie wrote a book. This book was a tribute, a memoir of her life with her husband, who was significantly older than her and soon, she would find herself caring for Bill and his declining health. It was important to Julie that Bill would have a chance to read about her love for him (although he certainly knew all about it!), before it was too late.

When the book was completed, she was given a few minutes at a pre-school year staff meeting to share the story with us. Then, when her short talk, which had many of us in tears, was complete, the principal and the president, told us that they were happy for Julie, but the book was not to be discussed with the students in the building. Now, I can’t say for sure, but after reading the book, I think some would consider it inappropriate for teenage girls. However, I also think it could have been a book for older students to discuss in smaller settings, with permission from parents. I’m not a school administrator and I am assuming that a lot of discussion went into the decision, but I also think that protecting young women from the difficult topics, like domestic abuse, will not make it go away. Sometimes, books like this help young women find a safe place to discuss situations that they may be in. Being removed from that time, I now know that it was done to stay within the boundaries of the Catholic Church. Another topic, another day.

At the time, I wasn’t sure why they would say that about a story that seemed so beautiful, just from Julie’s short synopsis, but for me, I knew that I wanted to support Julie and immediately purchased three copies from Amazon. I felt like a rebel, but since I didn’t have a lot of contact with students, I was anxious to read the book and learn more about Julie’s love story.

Then life happened…the books arrived, the Gala was keeping me busy, my life had a major turn with my divorce, a new grandchild and then COVID! As I made the decision to leave MND and move back to Louisville, I packed up my belongings, which included my books.

Fast forward to this spring, when I moved out of storage and started to “unpack” the mountains of boxes. I found a box of books, including “Choosing Eros” and I pulled out the books and decided it was time to read.

I started with Julie’s book, because I had started it while going through my divorce and it wasn’t a good time for me. But, because I knew Julie, and knew the beautiful words she shared with us at the staff meeting, I decided I was ready.

Honestly, I’m not a book reviewer so I’ll say that this blog contains my “musings” about the book. First and foremost, I found this book, Julie’s love story, to be the most heartbreaking and heartwarming story I have read. This book was so personal, told with her stories and actual letters shared with her husband.

There were times while reading the book that I had to take a deep breath. This is the true story of someone I know. The early pages were full of growing up in a Catholic family and the priest friend, visiting for dinner. Julie’s family was full of seven children, of which she was the oldest. She certainly had a lot of older sister responsibilities. It would be easy for her to enjoy adult company with her parents…especially when Fr. Bill visited.

Julie falls in love and marries her first husband, but a happy, traditional marriage was not in the cards. She shares the very personal and scary life with her first husband. Quite honestly, it was startling to me. I have never experienced abuse on any level so reading about the horror that she endured during her marriage was pretty hard to do.

There were happy times with the birth of her children, four in all, and she found solace caring from them and keeping them safe from their father. Again, hard to read knowing this was someone’s reality.

I won’t dwell on the difficult parts of Julie’s book, although it is a huge part of her story. What I will dwell on is the beauty of how this story evolves.

Bill becomes a major influence in Julie’s young life. Many years of writing letters to one another show a mutual admiration for one another but as Catholics, they know that this is deep friendship, grown since her childhood days. To share too much of this book would not be fair to those who have not read it, so this is where I will stop.

I’m sure, for Julie, writing this book was a labor of love, but it had to have been difficult to re-live the emotional roller coaster that this book contains. The deeply personal writings and the use of her letters to and from her love, were so intimate and yet truly part of her story.

I knew the ending because I know Julie, but I truly got lost in the love of two people, from different places that found their common bond in their faith, a faith that would stay with them and not let them down. I felt like I almost knew Bill and how it could be easy to fall in love with him.

Julie is now widowed and has been traveling through her homeland of Ireland and Wales. She posts pictures of the beautiful hills and valleys, the lush flowers and she has been a witness at many weddings while she has been traveling.

I have no doubt that with each view, the sees her Bill. I also think that regardless of her strength, her heart knows that she and Bill shared a lifetime of love in their time together. A love like that is rare.

Julie, if you are reading this, I hope you don’t feel the need to pull out the red pen to circle anything or put a question mark near my comments. I would love to have shared every bit of the story, but I would not do it justice. I just know that you opened your world to a lot of people and you have shown me that despite the sorrow and difficult days in life, there is our faith, but most of all, our love. Thank you for sharing this!

For those of you who would like to read this love story, you can find the book on Amazon Choosing Eros as well as the bookstores, Joseph Beth and Barnes & Noble. In addition, if you know any group who would benefit from a guest speaker, Julie does speaking engagements as well. I would be delighted to make the connection for you!

If you have read the book, I’d love to know what you thought. If you have not read the book and decide to do so, I’d love to hear from you too.

Have a great week!! I’m off to Pittsburgh to squeeze the cheeks of two precious little fellas that call me CeCe!!! xoxoxox