MEET UP...or Meet Down?

Recently, with the online dating thing, someone asked me if I had ever heard of MeetUp.  

I had heard of them but certainly didn't consider it a dating site.   In fact, they are NOT a dating site.   This is a group dedicated to connecting people with similar interests.   There are groups for mommas and babies, people who like to hike, book clubs, just girlfriends, Atheist and free thinkers, Martini Lovers, and about a million other interest groups.

I typed in “Happy Hour friends,” and there are quite a few possibilities there.   Then, recommended groups for me popped up and one of them was Over 50 and Single!!   Another one, over 60 and Single…So of course, I joined both of those groups.   These were groups of singles that would meet at various venues, knowing there would be others there.   Maybe some new friends or some networking could happen!   The invitations started to arrive…Group walk in the park, happy hour at the neighborhood Pub, 50s night at a dance club, and so much more!   All of these sounded like fun, but the timing was never right for me.   Then…an email from the site came…from Michael…”Hi!  I’m new to MeetUp.   Have you ever attended any of the activities?”   This was a shock to me because I didn’t expect someone to send a note, possibly trying to connect.    We exchanged a few emails and finally, I got up the nerve to give him my “fake” email address.  This is the one I give out at stores or on websites so I don't get bombarded with stuff in my regular email.   

We started to exchange messages and soon, his comments were very inviting.   He would send me questions with his answers, and he would want me to respond with my answers…”Do you like the city or the country and why?”    “What do you daydream about?”   “What is your most prized material possession?”  “Where do you see yourself in five years?”   All good questions that required a little thought.   I was actually enjoying this and he was telling me that he was getting to know me from the inside out.

Conversations continued sharing general information about careers and families…and he was starting to have feelings for me, which I found a little curious since we had not met.    I mentioned that we needed to meet before he could have these serious feelings for me.   As he continued to say many nice things, although it felt nice to be talked to this way, I couldn’t help but think that it was too good to be true and I became more skeptical.   My radar was up and running!

I used my words carefully and yet, he continued to say I had a beautiful soul and he couldn’t wait to meet me and he had the perfect first date planned and Christmas was going to be so wonderful knowing he would be spending with me, and yadda yadda yadda!  

So, I tried to schedule a time when we could meet…not a date, but a cocktail in a safe place.   He had been extremely busy with a major contract that was going to allow him to retire soon!   Then, I asked him if we could meet just before Thanksgiving and he told me that he was leaving the country to secure this contract but after Thanksgiving, we would definitely meet. 

If you remember, I had a lovely Thanksgiving with my daughter and son-in-law and the emails/texts continued…Oh that’s right, I gave him my phone number.   I soon learned that this contract was being negotiated in the Ukraine and he was representing the only American contractor.   Yes, suspicions were heightened by me…the Ukraine?   He had sent me pictures of him in a helicopter, doing a site visit where they would be installing the cabling, and he had sent a picture of his dinner at one of the restaurants near their hotel.  Surely, he wasn’t scamming me.

In the meantime, I had asked a detective friend to check on his phone number and as suspected, it was not registered to him, but rather to a female.   This is one of the biggest scams…picture this, a warehouse full of cubicles where men and women are emailing/texting innocent men and women about their lives and how they were meant to be with the other…blah blah blah, puke!

Well, just after this information was found out, I get a text from “Michael” in the middle of the night…”Let me know when you are awake” and I knew…something was up.  I ignored the text but could not go back to sleep so I checked my email and sure enough, there it was…

“My Love, you are the closest person to me at this very moment and I need to share something in confidence with you.   I am about to earn a $39 million contract that I will share with 3 other contractors.   In order to execute this contract, I need $35,600 in closing fees to cover the contract processing fees (he actually listed what this $35,600 would cover).   I have $28,000 but still need $7,600.   If you help me secure this money, our lives will be perfect…I can retire and treat you to the world!   In fact, I would give you the world if it was mine to give…”   (There is actually a song by Sade that says this...  he had dubbed it "our" song at some point).  He continued, but I shut it down…big time.   I blocked him immediately on my phone and blocked him immediately on my email.  

Even though blocked, he could still send messages that would go to my spam or voicemail that would be under blocked messages.   And yes, he continued to send me the messages…”How can you stop loving me like that?”  WTH???   “It’s my birthday and all I can do is think of you and how much I miss you.”   GAG!   He never mentioned that he was able to secure the money and was now back in the country, wanting to meet me.   Oh boy…I felt so stupid!   But I reminded myself that this is a lesson in listening to your gut!

For those of you who know my crazy sense of humor, I was tempted to write back and say, “Of course, darling, it will take me a couple of days to get the money together, but I’ll get it to you and then we can live our lives in bliss!”   Or how about, “Gosh, you are good!   Most scammers ask for $100 or $500 but you went for the juggler!”   Or even “You messed up.  I’m an undercover cop and my ex is a detective and we have begun tracking your scam…so watch your back.”

HOWEVER, I am not stupid.   I know how easy it is to track people down and get information (address, phone number, work place, etc…) so I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers and get him on my tail.   I alerted the apartment complex that I had reason to believe someone might be trying to locate me and asked lots of questions about their giving out information or letting someone into an apartment without the proper ID.  I was assured that my safety was not at risk on their part, so there was some relief there…good grief…please don’t tell my Mom about this! 

Later that week, I was scraping my car and a white van, no windows, pulled up nearby and was idling.   I became a little un-nerved, after all this was a classic Law & Order scene…two guys would jump out at any minute and gag me, dragging me into the van and drive away without anyone noticing.   So, I left my car running but I went inside and watched through my blinds.   The van moved into a parking spot and began unloading their carpet cleaning equipment in the building across from me.   WHEW!   Dodged that bullet! 

I then had a gut laugh at myself thinking, “Lisa, you aren’t the typical sex trafficking victim…60 and ‘curvy’” but hey, what if they wanted my kidneys???   A girl needs to be smart!  

In all seriousness, PLEASE be smart!   One thing I have learned through all of this online dating stuff…there are certain buzz words that are to be avoided (full disclosure, I have not said these things to anyone, but I have read them in profiles and I have heard from some of my potential matches)…”It’s so hard for me to trust”  “I miss someone hugging me”  “I’m looking for a companion that becomes a lover” and all kinds of other things…

I’ve also learned that if the “suitor” tells a story that his dad died while he was in college and his mother died shortly after of a broken heart, and his wife died after a tough battle with cancer and he never had kids, more than likely it’s a scam…It would be really hard to believe that someone had this much tragedy and guess what?   This person is just “out there” with no family history to track down!

It does not surprise me at all when I hear stories about women who have fallen for scams like this.   Admittedly, there were moments when I thought it could be real...or at least I wanted to think that it could be real.   When you are in a vulnerable state, it would be so easy to feel wanted, needed, pampered, by someone...I have heard first hand about someone who left her husband for someone she met online, and has since lost nearly $80,000 over three years.   She now has nothing...no husband, no money, and the disappointment of her children, not to mention herself and the foolishness she feels.   She is 68 years old...It happens.

I cannot believe I’m writing about this…Never in a million years!   It’s a learning experience, it’s entertaining, and I hope I can be the warning that you or one of your friends or co-workers needs to stay safe.    Next up...my first outing with a MeetUp group!!