Just Pretending…

 

With two young grandsons, I’m getting into the “let’s pretend” stage with Gabriel (almost two and a half). It’s fun! Putting a box on my head, sticking my arms out and saying, “I AM A ROBOT” as I walk stiffly around the room. He giggles and then he does the same thing…It’s fun and so innocent!

Halloween was fun as Gabriel “pretended” to be a pilot! He wasn’t into the Hamilton costume just yet, but I’m sure he’ll warm up to it!! Gabriel wasn’t quite as involved in the Santa is coming thing, but I feel certain that next year, he’ll be all in.  

It is so fun to pretend to be asleep, then surprise him with “I’m awake!!” It’s fun to pretend to be the various zoo animals, fun to have tea parties, and fun to sleep in the tent made with cushions.
Pretending is fun!

However, the past two years, pretending hasn’t been as much fun. I’ve always been able to “pull it off” trying to be the “ray of sunshine” some have come to expect from me. FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m not that ray of sunshine you think I am!

I don’t enjoy wearing a mask, but I pretend it doesn’t bother me. I don’t mind wearing it because it is the right thing for me to do, but if I had my way, I’d be smiling at everyone and trying to make a better day for someone. Instead, I’m using the mask to talk under my breath about something that has irritated me.

One thing I do is thank Kroger and Walgreen employees for hanging in there and wearing their masks. I have walked out of restaurants that have employees not wearing masks. When I have gone out, which is rare, I have my mask on except when eating and drinking. No, it’s not fun, and I won’t pretend that it is, but it’s the right thing for me. I’m not pretending when I say that. Despite what everyone thinks, they are very necessary.

There’s the pretending of days gone by, like, “Oh this casserole is delish!” when in fact it is crap. Or maybe, when you pretend to be having fun while playing a game, but you hate it because you aren’t winning; “We’ll have to play this again sometime!” How about that old pretend comment, “You look awesome” when in fact, the person doesn’t look so good! Oh, the good old days!!

Pretending to be okay in this crazy Covid world, is not easy. “We’re fine. We have everything we need.” Yeah, right. We don’t. We need hugs and human contact. We need smiles! We need our gatherings year-round, not just when the weather is nice and we can be outside. I’m pretty sure none of us are fine.

This past week I have seen a couple of Facebook posts that indicated I’m probably right. One was from an important person in my who said, “It just feels like nothing’s real anymore.” I got to thinking about what she said and I’m not sure I agree but it did get me thinking. Sometimes, it feels like this can’t be real life…wearing a mask, worrying about sick people close to me a lot of the time, wondering when the ball might drop on the next loved one…me worrying non-stop is not real. Well, I do worry, but now, my worries are more obscure and intense.

Another post said, “Check on your friends and neighbors. They miss you, and so do I.” So many people are on their own and crave companionship. As much as I long for some alone time, I would not trade my situation. Again, I’m grateful to have a bubble of people so I don’t feel alone. I hope that my friends who may be alone know that I am a phone call away and I would gladly meet them for some togetherness.

I’ve also seen posts about our mental health, kids in/out of school, not living in fear, yadda yadda. ALL of these things are things that are of great concern and I’ve seen a post about a toddler who was three days into his first daycare experience and he came home with COVID. I won’t pretend that doesn’t scare me. I have two grandsons…one will be starting daycare in a couple of weeks while the other is there three days a week. It does scare me, but I pretend to be okay with it.

I guess the bottom line is there is pretending and there is PRETENDING. Sometimes, we have to pretend, and sometimes, it’s just better to not pretend. We have to make choices. I will stick to pretending with Gabriel and Adrian, it’s much more fun. I will also tell you that you don’t have to pretend with me…ever!