Today, I’m tired! 

 

Full Disclosure:  Today’s blog is a little raw, a little different from the other posts.  I also know that I may be opening myself up to some criticism, but I’m ready.  I’m trying to figure out where to go from here…so bear with me, if you will.

When I started this blog, I did so because friends said, “you should write a blog.”  I honestly love to write but I really didn’t know what I could write about that would be of any interest to many people. 

Then I got divorced and dabbled in “online” dating and had some stories.  I still have stories about online dating but since I have put that experience out to pasture, I’ve put those stories away. 

I feel like I have lots to say about my divorce experience but no one really needs to hear that.  Some of you have experienced it first hand, and although we each think our stories are unique, re-living it isn’t always the way to go. 

My move has been a journey, the beginning of my next chapter.  You’ve come along for the ride and for that, I am grateful.

But today, I’m tired.  Although in my mind, this may seem like a “Donna Downer” post, I think I may be writing/saying what many of you are feeling, but just haven’t been able or choose not to speak of it.  Well, you know me…I kind of say what I feel, when I want.  (with some discretion!)  It’s that #grownasswoman thing!

Why am I tired?  Let me count the ways…

I’m so tired of the violence I see on the news every night.  I watch the news with my parents who honestly, need to watch it more than once so they can remember it, but starting at 5pm with the local news, then 5:30pm with another version on another channel, then again at 6:00pm on yet another local channel…and finally, the 6:30pm national news.  It’s just too much.  It’s depressing and it’s tiring.  It’s especially tiring because I’m not sure what I can do to make a difference.

I’m so tired of the battle between the police and protestors, those protestors who are lumped into the group of looters, being blamed for violence, hearing people say, “they aren’t helping their cause” and trying to explain this to people I am with or on Facebook.  We are all human beings, wanting to be treated equally.  Let’s face it…that’s not the world we live in and until people are treated equally, it’s not going to change.  Again, I’m feeling like I don’t know what to do to change things.  I’m tired of feeling helpless.

I’m tired of the political SHIT…(sorry, but that’s what it is!).  I’m pretty sure most of you reading this know that I am a Democrat, but I am not a Libtard, Demorat, Babykiller, Moron, Nasty Woman, Uneducated, Uninformed, Fake News Follower, and a host of other things.  Just like I do not believe my Republican friends are any of the hateful names that are thrown out there.  But seeing people I know and love on social media calling Democrats out on a daily basis is exhausting.  Don’t laugh, but these comments often become personal with me.  I have withstood bullying on Facebook in the past few years (yep…as a 60 year old…I was bullied!) and really, I’m tired of it.  Should I just leave Facebook?  If I do, I’ll miss a lot because damn it, I do find this a great way for me to keep up with the people I know and don’t get to see often.  I have learned to scroll past so much, and that in itself is tiring. 
*I refuse to let politics get in the way of my true friendships, but this could be the year that I find out who my true friends are!  If we can talk, agree to disagree and hug each other, we can stay friends.  If you stomp and storm out or do your best to discredit me, you're out!

I know it’s a pipe dream, but it would be nice to respect other’s opinions.  I don’t want to live in a world where it’s always lollipops and rainbows, but I would like to see little signs of kindness more frequently.  Maybe hugging someone after a political disagreement would be a start…after the pandemic of course!

And speaking of the pandemic, I’m tired of the mask debate.  If we would have taken the mask thing seriously at the beginning, we may be in a different place.  I’m tired of people saying, it’s a hoax or it’s just the flu.  I’m not sure those people would be saying that if one of their loved ones was on a ventilator or dead.  I wear a mask because I am 62 and I live with my parents (oy!) and if either of them gets sick, even if it is just the flu, they will die.  So, believe what you may, but I am wearing a mask and quite honestly, I think you should too.

I’m tired (and maybe a little jealous) of seeing people on social media living it up, while I have been stuck at home…like many of my friends have been.  I know maybe I’m being hyper sheltered, but I miss being out and about.  I miss hugging and I miss my friends.  Now…I’m going to miss the “going out of business” sale at Steinmart!  UGH!

I’m tired of having to consider the situation, put our “rules” for getting together, and trying to make things somewhat “normal.”  I hate it and I know I’m not alone.  But I’m not sure what my alternatives are. 

I’m tired of worrying that my friends and family members who work for schools could be at risk and/or bring something home to my parents after spending so much time trying to keep them safe.  I’m tired of not knowing what the answers are, but trying to justify why I do what I do. 

I’m tired of trying to keep up the happy face when I’m really tired…no sympathy needed as many of you do the same thing, but caretaking is not for the faint-hearted!  I could say so much here but to respect the privacy of my parents, I will leave it here.  

I’m tired of people fussing about getting their kids back to school and getting to go to football games when some families are worried about where they will sleep tonight or what they will have to eat today.  If anyone reading this has those worries, please private message me…I’m ready to help you!

Now, I’m sure some of you are tired too.  I know it’s okay to fuss, feel let down and to be tired.  It’s just not okay to stay there.  So, I’ll take a cat nap (today’s my mid-week day off!) and I’ll start over tomorrow! 

Take care of yourself!  Do something kind for yourself and someone else today!  Next week…a special blog!