It’s Been a Year!!

I just realized that one year ago, I wrote my first blog post.  WOW!  I went to read it I was so proud of myself for taking the leap and now, I have the written word to show how far I have come!

The first post was about Thanksgiving and traditions.  It was just Katie, Anthony and me for Thanksgiving…something new for us.  This year, there was Gabriel and lots of family (and lots of stuff!!)!  A lot can happen in between Thanksgivings!!

It was also our first brush with a threat of someone in a crowd shooting.   The gun was not real but it was a scary few minutes as we waited in line for a show in downtown Pittsburgh.   Since then, more shootings.  A lot can happen between Thanksgivings!

The next post was about my “dip into the online dating pool!”  As I have written about these sites, I have also proclaimed online dating as a thing of the past for me.  It is too scary and full of con artists or scammers.  There are those who aren’t divorced. There are toothless wonders, naked bathroom selfies, and profile pictures that are just plain weird!   There are guys who love camping and hunting, but not a lot who love a good happy hour or trip to the Bourbon Trail.  There are guys who think an awful lot of themselves, looking for the perfect model of a women, when in fact, their beer bellies and double chins would not put them in a beauty contest!  Then there are those who just want the one thing...to be a "friend with benefits!"  Oh and did I mention there are great guys, in Ukraine that just need to borrow $7,800 to close a deal then we can live a lavish lifestyle when he gets home?  In a nutshell, many of these guys just aren’t right.

I gave it a try, and had a few dates, even received flowers from a couple. At this point, it's easy to say I’m done with online dating sites!  If it’s meant to be, there will be a friend or companion and maybe even someone extra special eventually.  I’m always open to making a connection but for now, I’m just fine.  A lot can happen in a year!

So much has happened since that first post.  Some things good, some things not so good, and some things really great.  The biggest thing is that I have grown!  I continue to be a #grownasswoman on some levels, and some levels, I’m a work in progress.

Sitting in counseling the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Katie was with me…as a guest!  When my counselor asked her what she thought about me, and where I was with this journey, Katie told her that she was so proud of where I had come from.  “When I think about where you were just last year at this time, I can’t believe how far you have come.”  We spoke of some of the obvious changes, but Katie talked about how she sees me as someone who has taken this challenge and made myself stronger as I have come out on the other side.

Hearing her words was so comforting and these words provided me with the strength to keep tucked inside for those times when I feel sad or vulnerable.  *Times like this morning, when a Facebook memory showed Greg kissing me on the cheek while I sported one of the biggest smiles!  She has always known me to the strong one for everyone, so seeing me so terribly sad during the process allowed her to see my growth today.

Katie and I are close…mother and daughter close, but the divorce brought us even closer (I know that sounds weird) as she became my rock and we could share all of our feelings with one another.  We were both grieving.  Then, Gabriel entered the world and I watched her grow so much…grow into a mother that has made me so very proud.  I don't want Gabriel to ever have any pressure from me, but to say he arrived at just the right time in my life would be an understatement!  A lot can happen in a year!

I don’t want to go back because that’s not the direction I’m heading, but tomorrow, I will quietly remember the day that all of this began.  Someone referred to it as the "day of discovery."  Yes, that date of December 5, 2016 is still with me.  I will remember that day as the beginning of what is now my next chapter.  I will remember that day with the feeling of great sadness and uncertainty but remember that I truly was not alone.  I will remind myself that I have grown so much and I am stronger today.  I will remind myself that I am a work in progress and I still am definitely not alone!  

Thank you for being faithful readers/followers for the past year.  I have found comfort in my writing and sharing, even some of the darker things.  The love and support of all of you has been a big part of who I am today.  Hugs & Love!