Where are you on the Human Parts Chart? ™

Today, I’m going to give a shout out to my counselor and my counseling sessions.   I have mentioned counseling more than once in this blog and I talk about what I have learned along the way.   On Monday, I wrapped up my most recent “group” therapy session and I’m feeling even more grateful for the amazing care I have received.

When Greg and I started this divorce process, (January 2017), we went to counseling together.   I am a firm believer in counseling and this first counselor for us was a marriage counselor.   We knew the marriage could not be saved, but she helped us navigate the process that we were going through and she was able to get us to talk to one another about what we were feeling, and where we were going and the path that we were taking.

After 5 months or so, I knew it was time to get my own counselor.   I met with her every week, then every two weeks, and now it is every three weeks.   If my insurance would cover it, I’d be there every week.   She has a way of getting me to open up and admit to myself, so many things.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway that I have learned during the last year plus, is about the Human Parts Chart ™.   Beth Luwandi, my counselor, has trademarked this very interesting concept.  

We are all one of three things…Heart, Brain, or Body centered.  It’s how we are made.  These parts can overlap with one another and in fact, they usually do.  However, we are all predominantly one of these parts.   I am definitely heart centered…it’s how I’m made.   I am full of feelings!   All of my emotions go through my heart and to be quite honest…I could have told her that.   However, when we started to chat about the various parts of the “heart” centered person, she told me that she knew when she first started meeting with me that I was heart centered.   

One of the key parts of being heart centered, is the feeling of self-worth or shame.   Those of you who have known me for a long time, know that I struggle to get approval, to be liked/loved.   I am a people pleaser, someone who wants to make people happy.  I hate to disappoint.  I love doing things that get accolades from people and this has been for my whole life.   Personally, I think being the first born comes with a lot of responsibility for these feelings.  I set the standards (or so I thought) for my siblings...never wanting to disappoint my parents.

I never really looked at my desire to please, get approval, etc…as a problem, and really it isn’t a problem, but it is something that has affected me on different levels.   I often put everyone and everything before myself.   I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this.

Perhaps I have let my goal to please others get in the way of things that I should have done for myself.   Perhaps I have said, “Sure, I’ll move those mountains” when I should have said, “I’m sorry…I can’t.”  I am learning it is okay to say no.   It feels totally unnatural for me to say no, or to decline an offer, and I must say, it doesn’t happen a lot, but slowly, I’m starting to think about it first…to make sure it doesn’t interfere with things that are more important for me.   Gosh…just typing that sounds so selfish.   I’m also learning that…it’s not selfish to put yourself first.   Of course, if I have said it once, I’ve said it a million times…I’m a work in progress.   

I do know, if you aren’t in a good place with yourself, it’s a lot harder to manage and be a support for others.   To try and do this, without the feelings of selfishness, guilt, and all of those other things is SO DARN HARD!   It took me a long time to get here and I can’t change overnight, but I’m working on it!   I can say that there is progress and for that, I am grateful!

This is just the tip of the iceberg about the Human Parts Chart ™ but it is interesting to me and it does explain a lot of what is inside of my mind, and why I behave in certain ways.   I hope to get more knowledgeable about the other parts and I promise you, I’m not evaluating you to determine what you are…just know, there is no part that is better than the other and knowing what you are will help you understand how you work!!  

Okay, this is way too academic for a sunny Wednesday!   I wish you all a great day!   I’m headed to see my daughter, Katie, and Baby T…who is now the size of a cabbage or head of cauliflower!!   This is so much fun!!!   I'll be checking in on Sunday!!  Love, CeCe