"My Person" seems to be "My People" for now…

For my blog, Sundays are reserved for "weekend update on dating" at this point in my life.  However, as I said in my last Sunday update, I’m taking time to “slow down” so this week, I don’t have an official “dating” update.  However, I do have some thoughts about special events and dating so I thought today, I might explore those thoughts.

I’ve mentioned it a million and one times that I am in charge of a little Gala on March 2.  These kinds of events are the kind that are trigger points for some lonely angst.   To be honest, when Greg was with me at the Gala and other special events, part of me was grateful that I had “my person” who would be proud of me and the success of my event…my cheerleader.   Part of me was grateful for having someone who could "hold his own" at my special events.  The biggest part was grateful to have someone to hold me at the end of the night, and someone who understood the ups and downs to make a great event, because I had shared everything!  I was not at his side much of the time and yet, he made friends easily and could socialize with the best of them.   He didn't need me to keep him entertained.  

The first Gala after December 2016, (the beginning of our end), Greg and I were going through the motions of being a couple, as no one knew what was going on.   I remember that Gala vividly.   The theme was Derby and we love our Derby, so it was perfect for us.

I was able to keep a smile on my face because the evening was exciting and fast paced.   When the evening came to an end, our tradition of a champagne toast was held with the team…I thanked everyone and while Greg was standing by my side, holding his glass of champagne, I knew that this was the last time I would have this moment…with my husband.   That was heartbreaking, but somehow, I was able to manage to keep it together.   After returning to the hotel, I melted down.  (are you tired of hearing about me melting down?)   I basically cried myself to sleep.  Yes, Greg praised my efforts, told me how great everything was and he had played the role that night of "my person."  But we both knew that would never happen again.

Last year, March 2018, was my first Gala without “my person” (lovingly referred to as Greg, my husband).  I had many family members there to support me.   I had many cheerleaders…family, good friends, co-workers, and my MND (work) community.   Each of them there for me and supporting me by telling me how great the evening was, how lovely I looked and all the things “my person” would normally do.  There were even husbands that said, "honey, you look amazing!" (maybe they had been told to do that by their wives...but it was nice!)   I anticipated a really tough night, but it was amazing how so many people rallied around me. 

Now, the Gala is three short weeks away and I’m feeling some “angst.”   Part of it comes from the nerves about making sure everything is in place for an amazing night…raising lots of money for MND.  Part of it comes from knowing that once again, I won’t have “my person” and that makes me sad.   If I am to be honest, it’s not a good time for me to invite a guest/date.   I am all over the place throughout the evening…I don’t even have time to eat, as I am pulled in a million directions throughout the evening. *I do manage to get a couple of cocktails in me!!    But, it would be nice to know that there was someone in the crowd that was there only to support me.  This year is not the year for that.  

This week, there has been some sadness.   Just when I think I’m doing so well, the sadness creeps in.  I will be fine.   In fact, I’m already on the upswing.  I did a little browsing Friday night on Match.com and I was reminded why it’s okay to step back.  None of my “matches” appealed to me and I’m okay.   A sweet friend shared a special meme with me that I have attached below...After viewing Match on Friday night...this meme was perfect!

I have a busy three weeks and I am excited about my Gala.   I will be in a room full of a lot of wonderful people.   Yes, I will be “single” and I won't have "my person" but I will have my tribe there and I will feel the love.