Words...I love them, and I hate them

I’m a journalism major, so words are my jam!   I’m a talker…(shocking!) and words come to me fairly easy.   But sometimes, words are just too much for me…yes, even I struggle with words and how they are intended sometimes.

Let me start with the Match.com debate!   I listed myself as CURVY, remember?   Then at some point, I was editing my profile and Curvy disappeared, leaving only Heavyset as an option for me.   Heavyset is NOT an option for me on a dating site.   It will NEVER be an option!   Period.  End of Story!  

Next word, DIVORCE!  UGH!  I hate that word.   It has so much negativity connected to it and I’m not a negative person…so having that word in my current vocabulary, one of the words that describes me, makes me cringe.   I know, you don’t have to say it…it does not define me…but it is part of who I am and I can’t deny it.

Speaking of divorce, it came to my attention recently that although Greg and I will be sharing a grandchild soon, I am a Grandma (CeCe) and he is a Grandpa but we are not “the Grandparents” in the true sense of the word.   We are not the traditional Grandparents.  It sounds weird but it’s true.  We aren’t the traditional Grandparents…the Grandparents that I always imagined us to be.   I have no doubt we will do our best to be “grandparents” as in we will be able to celebrate special occasions in the same room, but we will function separately as Grandma (CeCe) and Grandpa.   

This reality is painful for me.   Greg and I talked about what it would be like to have little ones around.   We talked about Katie and Anthony being good parents.  So many dreams and so much happiness that would fill our home.  

This is one of my personal "bubbles" that has burst!   However, I am determined that the joy of seeing my daughter, bring a new life into this world, will overwhelm me to the point where nothing else will matter.   Traditional Grandparents...ba!   I got this Grandma/CeCe thing and I'm going to make sure everyone sees it!!  I will cherish the title of Grandmother!  I have faith that we can co-exist for our daughter.   We will find our normal - whatever that may be!!

Okay, back to those words...

How about the word CANCER?   I’ve recently been reminded of how fragile life is while remembering friends who have died too soon because of cancer and recently I’ve heard of friends of friends who have been diagnosed.    It’s a word that none of us likes.  It wouldn't bother me at all if that word disappeared.

Another difficult word is NEEDY!   This word is something I have thought about a lot over the past couple of years.   I have wondered if I appeared needy when I decided to go online for dates.  UGH!   That' one of the last things I wanted to have people think about me.   One thing I definitely am not is needy.    Yes, I would like to have the companionship of a man some day, but I have learned that I don't need companionship to be happy.  I have found companionship with my wonderful girlfriends (and some pretty great guy friends too!) and my family.   I need my family and friends but I am not NEEDY!

For a long time, it seemed that Therapy and Counseling got a bad rap.  People that went to counselors or those who needed therapy, were weak or crazy.   Well, I can't say that I'm not crazy, but I do know that I have learned a lot about myself in therapy.   I have learned to understand why I feel certain feelings and how to manage them.   I've also learned that you have no power over other people's actions or reactions, so stay focused on yourself.   You should not waist valuable time, on things that you cannot control.   Oh...that word...Control!  Now that's a word that is used to describe me at times...CONTROL FREAK!  I do like to be in charge (if you didn't already know that!), and sometimes, I do need to let it go and let someone else take over.   But sometimes, someone just needs to be in charge and I'm very comfortable in that role.

How could I forget about Empowerment?   It is a great word, but I must say it is slightly overused and sometimes, empowerment loses it's power.   I often feel that Empowerment gets used when Enabling should be used.   Rarely do I hear Enabling used in a good way.  At Mt. Notre Dame, we are "Empowering Young Women" and yet sometimes, I think we have overdosed on the empowerment factor.   I'd like to get Empowerment back to its original "good" version.   Maybe I'll start working on that!

Based on the Strengthfinders, my "words" that are used to describe me are:
Positivity, Communication, Woo (Winning Others Over), Empathy, and Adaptability.   What do you think?   Do these words describe me?  I'm fairly certain it's a fair assessment of me.  I must say, I've grown to love all of these words.   The idea is to focus on these words and not your weak areas.   So, I work on being positive, always communicating to the best of my ability, 

For me, there are other words too!   FUN, JOY, POSITIVITY, LOVE, FRIENDS, VODKA MARTINI, are just some of my favorites!   

Other fun words...Hallmark Movies, Christmas, Betty Boop and my all time favorite...
#grownasswoman