My Lenten Journey

As a “cradle” Catholic, I’m sorry to say that although I acknowledged Ash Wednesday, I did not get ashes.  UGH!   I can feel the Catholic guilt creeping in, but it just didn’t happen and I have to let it go.  

My day started with a 9am counseling appointment, and when I got to school, all of my co-workers already had their ashes, from the in-school Mass that had happened first thing that morning.   Of course, there were many places to get ashes after work that day, but my body was telling me to get home…I was still in recovery mode from the Gala (yes, I'm still using that as an excuse).   I did not go to Mass on Ash Wednesday…okay, I said it and I am not going to let it haunt me or make me feel guilty. 

The truth is, I’ve been struggling with the Catholic church for awhile…like a few years.  I work in a Catholic school and my faith is important, but I do have some issues with the church.  Many of you know this about me although I believe my faith is a private journey.  I’m not going to get into a long story here, but I struggle.  

My relationship with God is a good one…I believe and I pray daily, but my relationship with the church is a little messy.   The past couple of years, since Greg and I began the end of our marriage, I’ve struggled even more with the church.   I’m not sure where I fit in right now, and yet, I am feeling drawn to find a church home.  It’s something I pray about and something I think about, but I have not taken any serious action about it.  

I may be a bit of a Lenten rebel.   I’ve never really believed in “giving up” something.   When we were kids, we gave up things that we didn’t really didn’t have a lot of.   For example, we gave up soft drinks.   Not a real sacrifice because we were only allowed soft drinks once a week, on the weekend, if we had a babysitter.   Sundays were on the weekend and a day when we had a reprieve from our sacrifice.  So, giving up soft drinks was not really a sacrifice.   When I got older, I would give up “fast food.”  Again, in those days, that really wasn’t a sacrifice.  Fast food was not a frequent thing for someone on a budget.  I think you get the point.   I’ve never given up Facebook, but I know a lot of people who do, and that is a sacrifice.   I’ve never given up happy hour or vodka, my manicures or pedicures…now we know that would be a real sacrifice for me. 

Over the years, I have tried to do more positive things rather than “give up” something.  I’ve tried to do simple acts of kindness every day.  I’ve opted for more vegetables.  I’ve fasted one day a week.  I’ve used a gratitude journal.  I’ve done a variety of positive things rather than “giving up.” 

This week, on Ash Wednesday, my 2019 Lenten Journey began.  For me, Lent will be a time of prayerful reminders of the blessings in my life.  I will stay more hopeful and prayerful on a daily basis.    It may not be the traditional "Catholic" way but it is my way!

So, as we dive into Lent, regardless of your Lenten Journey, I wish you peace and know that you are in my prayers.  (even if I don’t see you at Mass!)